just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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