A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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