I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
