if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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