Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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