suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
