3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
