His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
