He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
