I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
