Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
