I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
