I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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