Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize