so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
