Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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