im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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