Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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