Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
