I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
