I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
