What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
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After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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