"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I only lived at night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I will be naked everywhere
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
