census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
