I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
