bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my poor anus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
