i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
