I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
