Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
why is half of my head shaved?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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