I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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