I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
