Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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