i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
