YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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