i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
