it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
