So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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