Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He? As in you personified your dick?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
