i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
