I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
