My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My bed smells like the plague
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
