I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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