i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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