theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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