i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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