Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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