Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
