At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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