ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
