your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
