so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
