Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
