Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
