Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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