can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
