Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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