Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
