it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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