I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me I should be a condom model.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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