why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
