I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
