In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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