He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
