My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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