i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
