4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
