I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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